The Healing Power of Relationships

The Healing Power of Relationships

By Charles Richards, Ph.D.

A client of mine, who we’ll call Sherise, was going through a difficult relationship cycle with her partner. Suddenly, things went from bad to worse when she discovered he had an affair with another woman. Her first reaction was to angrily confront, blame and shame him. She couldn’t believe that he’d do this to her.

But before she went too far, Sherise took a deep breath and stepped back to assess her next move. She knew that the choices she was about to make could permanently make or break her relationship. Did she want to repair and save her relationship, or did she want to punish him and immediately breakup?

As it turned out, Sherise was fortunate to have been working on her own personal growth. She had been practicing a meditative-type coherence exercise to bring her heart and mind into harmony.

Follow Your Heart, Not Your Anger

She realized that deep inside, she wanted to save her relationship. She knew that reacting with unbridled anger and revenge would perpetuate the downward spiral and fracture their relationship even more.

So instead of angrily confronting him, she approached him without malice and spoke with care about the situation. Her heart intention without attachment was simple and clear. What can I do to support him in this process? The ensuing conversation allowed them to open their hearts more to the possibilities for deeper love and understanding.

The ultimate result over time? In this case, Sherise and her partner were able to successfully heal their relationship. They both became stronger and more committed to each other and to building a healthy relationship.

Choices Have Consequences

Do we look for the opportunity to heal or expand our hearts via the expression of care and empathy, or do we go down the path of destruction? These are some of the choices we have to make with every activity and encounter with others.

To fully grasp the healing power of relationships, we must start with the premise that we are all connected as spiritual beings having a human experience. In this context, all our exchanges and encounters with others have a much greater significance than outward appearance. They offer us an opportunity to demonstrate the oneness we share regardless of the task at hand. Thus, day-to-day meetings with others involving friendship, romance, business or entertainment take on an even greater significance.

Your Relationship with Life Starts with Your Relationship with Yourself

The simple truth is this: all of life is about relationships and we are constantly in relationship with all of life.

Let’s take a closer look at what I mean by our relationship with all of life. Most people immediately think that relationships are solely about other people—like spouse, family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Of course, people relationships are vital, but as individuals, our relationship to ourselves establishes the tone for our relationships with all of life. And this most personal of relationships is primarily defined by our identity, thoughts, values, life choices, desires, words and actions.

The nature of all our relationships is an expression of our state of consciousness. This process begins with our parents or caretakers. The nature of those first relationships and how we experience them sets the stage for our lives.

Through relationships with our parents we develop a relationship with ourselves. At best this is empowering; at worst it’s disempowering. Ideally, we realize our power to upgrade native programing to express values more uniquely congruent as we go through life.

Love Heals

Our daily life exchanges necessarily serve a practical function, but what lies behind these encounters is what heals. It’s said that love heals, and this principle runs through everything we think, say and do, even when alone.

And as we’ve established, foremost among our many relationships is the one we have with ourselves. Do you love yourself for just being you? Not for what you’ve achieved, or how you appear, but for the essence of who you are.

Are you honest, kind, and caring toward yourself? If so, these qualities will extend outward to others. Those we meet may even be transformed merely by our authentic and loving presence. Consider the following.

An Odd Sympathy

Christian Huygens, a Dutch scientist and inventor of the pendulum clock, made an interesting discovery. He noticed at his home in the Hague that two clock pendulums, after a period of time, swung in unison in what he termed “an odd sympathy.” When he altered the swing of the pendulums, he later found them again swinging in unison. Several experiments later, he learned that the smaller clock’s pendulum entrained with the largest one. It’s been speculated that this has to do with a subtle magnetic or energetic field emanated by the larger clock and its pendulum.

What does this have to do with relationships? The electrical field of the heart is 60 times greater than that of the brain, and its magnetic field more than 100 times greater. This heart field extends several feet from the body in all directions and is stronger than that generated by any other organ. There are several ways to amplify this heart field, using breath, sound, visualization and feeling.

When fully engaged, one can infer that our heart field touches and influences others around us. Among those nearby who share close bonds, this magnetic heart field can create a sympathetic response. A person experiencing compassion and care may unconsciously trigger this same response within others in his or her orbit, which can impact others in a healing manner.

It was in this way that Sherise was able to transform a possibly negative and world-shattering experience into a doorway to greater love and connectedness with her partner. By being an active participant in her own healing, she had not only healed herself of her past and present wounds but inspired her partner to do so as well.

Inspire Yourself and Others

Doing things with love and care activates this field of healing potential. It may be experienced in the preparation of food, working, playing, teaching, meditating, or just sharing time together. When we establish the habit of expressing life in this manner—with love and care—it subconsciously inspires others to do likewise. Spiritual teachers, saints and masters have communicated this message for eons.

When the heart is engaged, this healing influence is amplified and impacts our entire being, as well as everyone around us. Since our state of consciousness is a choice, why not bring care, love, and intention into all manner and types of relationships? The transformative power this simple action can unleash may help you change yourself and even the world around you.

About Dr. Charles Richards, Ph.D.

Charles Richards, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and trainer in private practice in Encinitas, California. He received a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University in San Diego, California. He has been interviewed on radio and television news shows throughout the U.S. and is a top New York Times bestselling author. In addition to his private practice, he presents workshops internationally. For more information please go to CharlesRichards.com.