How I Changed My Life from a Prison of Self-Doubt to a Life of Love and Confidence

By Jane Durst Pulkys

I wish my mother had told me some things that I’ve had to learn the hard way. And, of course, I wish I’d shared these same messages more often with my own children. There are certain messages that promote growth, strength and courage. And isn’t that what we all want?

As a personal development coach, nutritionist and public speaker, I always share the words I wish I’d heard as a child: You are powerful. You can do anything. You can be anything you want. Don’t let people sabotage your dreams. Dream big. Let your light shine. Expect the best. Be the best. You are here for a reason. Stand tall and go for it.

“I Love You”

I also wished those three magical words “I Love you,” were whispered into my ears each night before I went to sleep. But as one of nine children, I was lucky to get any personal notice from my parents at all. I knew I was loved and protected but I longed for more time and attention. Thank goodness for my best friend, as she loved and supported me, and we’ve stayed friends since we were four years old!

Probably all eight of my siblings wanted more attention, just like I did. But the atmosphere was highly competitive between us and we were constantly on each other. I was called dumb and told that I would never achieve anything, and my brothers added that I was short, fat and ugly. Actually, I am less than five feet, two inches tall and so I unfortunately believed them about everything else too! Today I adore my siblings and we laugh about our crazy household and how we treated each other, but it was a big challenge for me to overcome. Now, all our teasing is done out of love.

Of course, when we don’t get self-esteem boosters at home, there’s always the chance we’ll get what we need in school. But it didn’t happen there either. I was left wishing that my gymnastics coach had encouraged me, or my swimming instructor of 16 years had applauded me for my efforts. My university professors, who were struggling to keep up with their workload, never found the time to look me in the eye and say: “Good Job! Well done.” As with many people, it simply did not happen.

The Epiphany

I felt alone, afraid and lost in my own prison. It wasn’t until I turned 21 when I had an epiphany, the moment in which I realized what damage had been done and what I needed to do about it. I was walking down Fifth Ave in New York City, visiting a friend, when I had a moment of feeling totally insignificant in the world full of billions of people.

But I stopped myself at once—I didn’t want to ruin my trip to New York with self-sabotage. So, I thought to myself that none of us is here without a purpose and that we all matter. I must matter! I must have a purpose, I told myself. In that moment, I decided it was time to make a change.

It was time for me to emerge from my cocoon. Time to step out of my self-imposed prison. I knew in my heart that I had the power to achieve all that I wanted. And from that day, I did everything I could to transform myself. I travelled to personal growth seminars, read every book I could get my hands on, and began to carefully implement the suggestions I was hearing. Then, a shift began. Little by little, I felt better about myself and was no longer petrified of making mistakes, but more needed to be done.

A Friend Indeed

So how did I do it? First, I had some difficult housekeeping to do. I took a look at the people I hung out with. I realized I had two types of people who were close to me. Those who were jealous of me and those who loved me no matter what. So, I adopted a new code of ethics. People must help me grow or they have to go. No more energy vampires for me. I needed friends who celebrated my wins and allowed me to land on their doorstep when I needed help—and I would certainly do the same for them.

That just about cleaned me out as I allowed only the most loving ones to stay close to me. But soon, a funny thing happened. I started attracting more loving, supportive, and wonderful friends, many of whom I can say are still by my side after more than three decades.

Breaking Barriers

Next, I changed the way I spoke to myself. No more negative or limiting words for me. I took out of my vocabulary what I consider to be the seven deadly words: should, can’t, need, must, try and if. My conclusion? I can do anything as long as I put my mind to it.

The next barrier I broke down was who I thought I was. I had felt I wasn’t worthy and could only hope to live a mediocre life. As a nutritionist, I was struggling to build a small clinic in Toronto, encouraging my clients to make changes and feel good about themselves, while still pretending that I was confident and strong. But I wasn’t quite there yet—and I knew I had to do something more.

The Game Changer

Then, one day when I had exhausted all of my protocols for one particular client, I suggested she just repeat these simple words daily as a part of her healing process: I love myself.

When she came back two weeks later, glowing and radiantly happy, I was shocked. Saying “I love myself,” had changed this woman in the most remarkable ways. She was visibly different, and her health issues had turned around completely. She was grateful and excited about life and I could hardly recognise her as the same person.

I decided I would also repeat those three words daily. Soon after, something interesting occurred. I began to believe those words at a whole new level. As I saw it, my cells finally heard the message and started communicating it throughout my entire being. It was if my body were singing a new song—a chorus of love and joy! Once I began to accept this new message, I found myself thinking and acting quite differently.

I finally saw my own beauty and strength and so did others. Everywhere I went, people began to comment, “You look so different,” or “What are you doing? Your energy feels great!”

This exercise was a game changer for me, and it has become a classic exercise for my clients who wish to build their health and achieve personal transformation.

Get Moving

Next, I began to feel inspired to exercise every day, only doing exercises that I really liked. I walked the beach for miles and became a hot yoga fanatic. I became the first ever at our studio to complete 2,500 hot yoga classes, each 90-minutes in length. Still today, I hold that record and it makes me feel great. Every time I finish one of those classes, I feel more alive and confident as my inner self continues to grow stronger.

Bye-bye Sugar

Nutrition is an absolute passion of mine, but it was not always that way. In my family, we ate a lot of processed foods and sugar. Even as an adult, at the end of a meal, I loved Diet Coke, and ice cream with Cool Whip on top. I felt I had to have something sweet at every meal. But I understood the dangers of sugar and felt it was holding me back from achieving my goals. With the help of a friend who is a naturopath, I said goodbye to sugar years ago, and I am so grateful. And yes, the cravings do stop, and life becomes even sweeter.

The Sign Says: Beautiful

In my journey to health, I learned to be kind to myself. Just as I advise my clients, I no longer climb daily onto that bathroom scale and ruin my day by weighing my self-esteem. I am not perfect. I make lots of mistakes, but I eat fresh, healthy food and exercise regularly. And when I have a bad day, I just laugh and know this too will pass.

I am a work in progress. I am worth the effort, and you are too. Someday, you may see two doors ahead of you with signs on top; one will say “Average” and the other says “Beautiful.” Please walk straight through the “Beautiful” door—because that’s who you are!

Jane Durst-Pulkys is a Clinical and Holistic Nutritionist, and life coach specializing in Metabolic Balance® weight management. She’s the author of The Book on Confidence—Standing Tell on the Inside and a frequent guest on television and radio. She consults with clients from around the world. Fortune 500 companies find her corporate workshops to be extremely valuable. As an authority on personal development, optimal performance and health, she is a faculty member and advisor for the Institute of Holistic Nutrition, Toronto. Her joy, enthusiasm and boundless energy for life are felt in all that she does. Contact her at creativehealth.ca.

How I Changed My Life from a Prison of Self-Doubt to a Life of Love and Confidence